Awesome lol =)
New Office Policy Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
We will no longer accept a doctor’s note statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Each employee will receive 104 Personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three-minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’ category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.
* Skinny People get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal Size People get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby People get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Oh the things you find while Blingo-ing. Since it’s that time of year again for the Super Bowl, with it comes: the backyard-BBQ parties, the trash-talking between teams, the millions-of-dollars-worth of bets, funny & creative commercials and last but not least, the office Super Bowl Pool. A couple of friends and I have been doing this for the past couple of years now. Too bad, no one wanted to do it this year. Don’t know why?
Meanwhile, having the feeling of just trying to get into the spirit of the Super Bowl (even though the teams weren’t my pick from the start of the season), I asked around MA to see if we are doing one this year. Turns out there wasn’t even one for last year’s. So, I just volunteered not remembering how John-John facilitated it.
Anyways, with a call to J2 and some Blingo-ing, I found some templates. The best one I found was through:
Num Sum. Easy, Sharable Web Spreadsheets. Keep your records, lists and spreadsheets in one place online. Easily slice, dice and share with others.
It’s FREE. You have the ability to share with friends and family that don’t even have an account but with they just won’t be able to update the sheet directly and save it. You may also interact with a group or team, and share a sheet for collaboration. It’s a nice, FREE and great web app.
Other observations that I found while studying and using Num Sum was it’s homepage layout. It strikes simplistic similarities with the very-outstanding Basecamp in its early days. Why not, right? Why not follow something that has done very well in performance.
So, after spending some time to get everyone to join in on the fun, I managed to get a 10x10 (100 squares) Pool filled out . The pot is big—$500. It’s $5 per square and you get $75 for the First, Second/Half and the Third. Then a humongous sum of $275 for the Fourth/Final, no OT. I was getting worried Wednesday night (after sending the email on Monday morning about the Pool), that only half of the Pool was taken. But alas, everyone came through to chip in for a couple of squares and complete it eventually.
After having individuals pick from a sombrero (literally, the one from Chevy’s), I got the following numbers (Steelers/Seahawks): 5/1, 3/5, 5/4 and 4/7. The 5s might be hard to get but there is very great hope on the jewel “4/7” combo: 14 & 7, 24 & 7 and 24 & 17 to name a few. I can’t wait. This should be a fun way for MA to do something together. Good times.
Here’s the complete Pool. Ain’t it colorful? Damn skippy, it took a while trying to get the same background-color when someone wanted to add a square. I hope Num Sum adds the feature to do some kind of eyedropper tool to just pick the same color, font-style, size or what have you.