Office Policy (A Forwarded Email)

Awe­some lol =)

New Office Pol­i­cy Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed accord­ing to your salary.
2) If we see you wear­ing Pra­da shoes and car­ry­ing a Guc­ci bag, we will assume you are doing well finan­cial­ly and there­fore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poor­ly, you need to learn to man­age your mon­ey bet­ter, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and there­fore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and there­fore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doc­tor’s note state­ment as proof of sick­ness.

If you are able to go to the doc­tor, you are able to come to work.

Per­son­al Days:

Each employ­ee will receive 104 Per­son­al days a year. They are called Sat­ur­days & Sun­days.

Bereave­ment Leave:

This is no excuse for miss­ing work. There is noth­ing you can do for dead friends, rel­a­tives or co-work­ers. Every effort should be made to have non-employ­ees attend the funer­al arrange­ments in your place. In rare cas­es where employ­ee involve­ment is nec­es­sary, the funer­al should be sched­uled in the late after­noon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and sub­se­quent­ly leave one hour ear­ly.

Bath­room Breaks:

Entire­ly too much time is being spent in the toi­let. There is now a strict three-minute time lim­it in the stalls. At the end of three-min­utes, an alarm will sound, the toi­let paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a pic­ture will be tak­en. After your sec­ond offense, your pic­ture will be post­ed on the com­pa­ny bul­letin board under the ‘Chron­ic Offend­ers’ cat­e­go­ry. Any­one caught smil­ing in the pic­ture will be sec­tioned under the com­pa­ny’s men­tal health pol­i­cy.

Lunch Break:

* Skin­ny Peo­ple get 30 min­utes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Nor­mal Size Peo­ple get 15 min­utes for lunch to get a bal­anced meal to main­tain their aver­age fig­ure.
* Chub­by Peo­ple get 5 min­utes for lunch, because that’s all the time need­ed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loy­al­ty to our com­pa­ny. We are here to pro­vide a pos­i­tive employ­ment expe­ri­ence. There­fore, all ques­tions, com­ments, con­cerns, com­plaints, frus­tra­tions, irri­ta­tions, aggra­va­tions, insin­u­a­tions, alle­ga­tions, accu­sa­tions, con­tem­pla­tions, con­ster­na­tion and input should be direct­ed else­where.

The Man­age­ment

Web 2.0 and the Super Bowl

Oh the things you find while Blin­go-ing. Since it’s that time of year again for the Super Bowl, with it comes: the back­yard-BBQ par­ties, the trash-talk­ing between teams, the mil­lions-of-dol­lars-worth of bets, fun­ny & cre­ative com­mer­cials and last but not least, the office Super Bowl Pool. A cou­ple of friends and I have been doing this for the past cou­ple of years now. Too bad, no one want­ed to do it this year. Don’t know why?

Mean­while, hav­ing the feel­ing of just try­ing to get into the spir­it of the Super Bowl (even though the teams weren’t my pick from the start of the sea­son), I asked around MA to see if we are doing one this year. Turns out there was­n’t even one for last year’s. So, I just vol­un­teered not remem­ber­ing how John-John facil­i­tat­ed it.

Any­ways, with a call to J2 and some Blin­go-ing, I found some tem­plates. The best one I found was through:

Num Sum. Easy, Sharable Web Spread­sheets. Keep your records, lists and spread­sheets in one place online. Eas­i­ly slice, dice and share with oth­ers.

It’s FREE. You have the abil­i­ty to share with friends and fam­i­ly that don’t even have an account but with they just won’t be able to update the sheet direct­ly and save it. You may also inter­act with a group or team, and share a sheet for col­lab­o­ra­tion. It’s a nice, FREE and great web app.

Oth­er obser­va­tions that I found while study­ing and using Num Sum was it’s home­page lay­out. It strikes sim­plis­tic sim­i­lar­i­ties with the very-out­stand­ing Base­camp in its ear­ly days. Why not, right? Why not fol­low some­thing that has done very well in per­for­mance.

So, after spend­ing some time to get every­one to join in on the fun, I man­aged to get a 10x10 (100 squares) Pool filled out . The pot is big—$500. It’s $5 per square and you get $75 for the First, Second/Half and the Third. Then a humon­gous sum of $275 for the Fourth/Final, no OT. I was get­ting wor­ried Wednes­day night (after send­ing the email on Mon­day morn­ing about the Pool), that only half of the Pool was tak­en. But alas, every­one came through to chip in for a cou­ple of squares and com­plete it even­tu­al­ly.

After hav­ing indi­vid­u­als pick from a som­brero (lit­er­al­ly, the one from Chevy’s), I got the fol­low­ing num­bers (Steelers/Seahawks): 5/1, 3/5, 5/4 and 4/7. The 5s might be hard to get but there is very great hope on the jew­el “4/7” com­bo: 14 & 7, 24 & 7 and 24 & 17 to name a few. I can’t wait. This should be a fun way for MA to do some­thing togeth­er. Good times.

Here’s the com­plete Pool. Ain’t it col­or­ful? Damn skip­py, it took a while try­ing to get the same back­ground-col­or when some­one want­ed to add a square. I hope Num Sum adds the fea­ture to do some kind of eye­drop­per tool to just pick the same col­or, font-style, size or what have you.