Memos from October 2001

Mass Hysteria

Believe It or Not!

WARNING!!!!! Don’t go to the bath­room on Octo­ber 28th. CIA intel­li­gence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Any­one who takes a poop on the 28th will be bit­ten on the ass by an alli­ga­tor. Reports indi­cate that orga­nized groups of alli­ga­tors are plan­ning to rise up into unsus­pect­ing Amer­i­cans’ toi­let bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty busi­ness. I usu­al­ly don’t send emails like this, but I got this infor­ma­tion from a reli­able source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dat­ing this girl whose broth­er knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose hus­band buys hot­dogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mail­room work­er who has a friend who’s drug deal­er sells drugs to anoth­er mail­room work­er who works in the CIA build­ing. He appar­ent­ly over­heard two guys talk­ing in the bath­room about alli­ga­tors and came to the con­clu­sion that we are going to be attacked. So it must be true.
— From an anony­mous source