Memos from 2001


Best Pick-up Line Ever

Gib: You know, I’ve never met any­one like you before. Usu­ally when I meet some­one new I feel awk­ward and shy. But with you it’s dif­fer­ent. I can talk to you. You know what I’m think­ing with­out my hav­ing to explain to you in fancy terms. We speak each other’s unspo­ken lan­guage… flu­ently. I love you.

Ahhh… late night watch­ing TV.

Mass Hysteria

Believe It or Not!

WARNING!!!!! Don’t go to the bath­room on Octo­ber 28th. CIA intel­li­gence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Any­one who takes a poop on the 28th will be bit­ten on the ass by an alli­ga­tor. Reports indi­cate that orga­nized groups of alli­ga­tors are plan­ning to rise up into unsus­pect­ing Amer­i­cans’ toi­let bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty busi­ness. I usu­ally don’t send emails like this, but I got this infor­ma­tion from a reli­able source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dat­ing this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose hus­band buys hot­dogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mail­room worker who has a friend who’s drug dealer sells drugs to another mail­room worker who works in the CIA build­ing. He appar­ently over­heard two guys talk­ing in the bath­room about alli­ga­tors and came to the con­clu­sion that we are going to be attacked. So it must be true.
— From an anony­mous source